There’s a very particular kind of exhaustion that comes with being an independent consultant. And the truth is: I’m tired.

I’ve worked hard. Really hard. I’ve built skills. I’ve nurtured relationships. I’ve stepped up. I’ve delivered. And yet, here I am. Stuck in this cycle of submitting proposals, pitching my expertise, showing up with everything I’ve got, only to feel like I’m being measured against standards that don’t make sense. Or worse, standards that are invisible.

I never expected this consulting path to be easy, and I fully appreciate that it is a tremendous privilege to be able to choose this life, and build something of my own. I don’t take any of that lightly or for granted, but even with all of that gratitude, I can’t quite shake this feeling.

What wears me down the most is the endless loop of having to prove my worth. When you are the business (and the business is you), rejection doesn’t feel abstract. It lands differently. It cuts differently. Every proposal becomes another test, not just of my skills, but of my value as a person. And when so much of my time is consumed by the act of proving instead of the act of providing, self-doubt has a way of settling in and making itself real comfortable. I mean, how could it not?

I liken it to being on the dating scene. Imagine you’ve made plans for five separate dates in the past three months. And for each one, you’ve carefully chosen your best unique outfit, and spent countless hours beefing up your talking points and crafting your most thoughtful questions. Only to get to the day of and find that your date had flaked on you. Or, in a similarly defeating move, they send you a polite message saying something to the tune of:

“You’re great, but I have so many amazing options and I’ve decided to try my luck with someone else.” 

That’s what consulting can feel like, and I’m just tired of the work it takes to keep putting my best foot forward for another, “date night.” Honestly, I’m ready to skip all this pretense and jump into something, anything, steady and fulfilling.

All of my life I’ve been told, and shown, that the only way to “make it” is to hustle harder. Outwork everyone. Silence the doubt. Show up, no matter the cost. But in 2025, as harmful  and chaotic politics, coupled with overall uncertainty, weigh down my spirit and my optimism, that cost feels steeper than ever before.

I say all of that, and I also say this: I’m not giving up. I still want this and I’m still committed to showing up. But I’m also learning that it’s just as important to pause. To reflect. To name what’s heavy. To remind myself that these feelings are real, and that they make sense.

So, I offer this to myself, and to anyone else who, like me, is tired and questioning: 

I see you. 

We are not imagining the weight.
We are not alone in this struggle.

And most of all: We deserve more than this cycle of exhaustion.
We deserve to rest.
We deserve to thrive.

Take care of yourself.

Kelly Stevens
Zahara Consulting, Executive Director